Quote Of The Week

Previous Quotes Of The Week

Week of Monday 15 January 2001

"The fridge-freezer attacks! Barney the purple dinosaur hits!
The grand piano misses! You feel faint. The quantum physicist hits!
You die!"

-- Stephen Jacob

Week of Monday 8 January 2001

"You're not dependent on the DART. I've got the car in with me." -- Stephen Jacob
"Yes I am. I like the smell." -- Nick Murtagh

Week of Monday 1 January 2001

"Wouldn't it be cool if there were tokens you could use in any shop?"

-- Unknown

Week of Monday 25 December 2000

* falconr has asked for new leatherworking tools and a fluid
  bed coffee roaster and light table for slides/negatives.
  she'll end up with a book gift certificate :)
<sj> Fluid bed coffee roaster? Gosh, sounds hi-tech. Do you
     roast coffee for NASA?
-- conversation on Undernet #UserFriendly, mid-December 2000

Week of Monday 18 December 2000

"/me wombles back to trying to untangle someone else's html that
rather resembles a blind madwoman's attempt to knit socks while handcuffed
to a kangaroo"

-- Sandy Turner, 42: The List, 25 November 2000

Week of Monday 11 December 2000

"Oooooh, I want Terk the Gorilla!" -- IRL Zaphod
"Stop, we have no bananas!" -- antodaman, AOL Instant Messenger

Week of Monday 4 December 2000

"I really don't like Biochemistry. It hurt my toe!"

-- Stephen Jacob, on the evils of Voet, Voet & Pratt

Week of Monday 27 November 2000

"wow, it's less than a quid for the extra 3 inches?" -- John McAree (IRL Zaphod)
"Now *that* is the quote of the week." -- Richard Bannister (bannisrf)

Week of Monday 20 November 2000

"Why are you fondling that thing, Ros?"
-- Stephen

[a few moments pass]

"It's like mine, except mine's bigger and it has two of those things."
-- John

(In an electronics store in Union City, CA)

Week of Monday 13 November 2000

"Do you get the comedy channel?" -- George
"Only in the bedroom." -- Dennis

Week of Monday 6 November 2000

"The European Union president, who's French at the moment..."

-- A newsreader on ITN News [Does he change his nationality often...?]

Week of Monday 30 October 2000

"The more ridiculous the association, the better you'll remember it.
That's also the principle Unix is based on."

-- Dr. Mícheal Mac an Airchinnigh, Guest lecture on
Artificial Life, The Universe and Everything

Week of Monday 23 October 2000

"Martin, give me a woody!"

-- anonymous

Week of Monday 16 October 2000

"I read it when I popped upstairs to flush the buffers."

-- sj, about reading a 42 list e-mail when going to submit his processed RC5 blocks
and download new ones (see distributed.net for details) on two machines

Week of Monday 9 October 2000

"he nibbles my ip" -- SunBug, re her cat, Q, on #UserFriendly
"lip" -- SunBug
"Nibbles your IP???" -- Llarian
"you know you're a geek when...." -- Llarian
"mm... *CHOMP*" -- Error_404

Week of Monday 2 October 2000

"Worf: A mobile booth babe gave me candy!" -- nome, DALnet #afd, re Linux World
"Right there on the conference floor?!?" -- Worf

Week of Monday 25 September 2000

"No, not my shitlist. That'd mean I'd have to shit on you. My hitlist, which
means I have to hit on you! ... Oh god! What did I just say?"

-- John McKenna

Week of Monday 18 September 2000

"Please replace or upgrade your higher ups and try again. :-)"

-- Mikko Hänninen, about inflexible bosses, Mutt Users Mailing List

Week of Monday 11 September 2000

"Damn those Yellow Pages!"

-- John McAree commenting on the recent bundling of a
free Indigo CD with every copy of the Golden Pages in Dublin

Week of Monday 4 September 2000

"Didn't the FTC recently judge that it was in violation of federal
anti-trust regs to put a Starbucks inside a Starbucks...."

-- 'crummy eggplant', UF Cartoon Comments System, 13 September 2000

Week of Monday 28 August 2000

"Oh, I thought you said Calvin Klein brains!"

-- John McKenna, about my glasses

Week of Monday 21 August 2000

"I met the Jacob bots at LinuxWorld."

-- Dr. Padraig O'Briain (father of Alice Conrad)

Week of Monday 14 August 2000

"you're going to the airport in a sleeping bag?" -- Ben
"yep ... it's got 3 wheels ... and a v.8" -- sj
"how much hp?" -- Ben
"65536" -- sj
"ok, how much mana? ;)" -- Ben
"17?" -- sj

Week of Monday 7 August 2000

"I don't have an IQ. I never got done! Hah!"

-- Dr Mícheal Mac an Airchinnigh, 8/2/1999

Week of Monday 31 July 2000

"What fish jokes?"

-- Stephen Jacob, at a UFie gettogether (huh?)

Week of Monday 24 July 2000

"That's why I've got pastiche.org and charlesmiller.net,
and used to have frequent.cx, but I stopped paying for it."

-- Charles Miller (Carlton on DALnet) on the annoying
Australian domain registration restrictions
(much like the terrible Irish ones)

Week of Monday 17 July 2000

"Chicken Chardonay" -- Sandrine Turner
"What's Chicken Chardonay?" -- Stephen Jacob
"Sounds sexy!" -- Eric Nielsen

Week of Monday 10 July 2000

"It's the bigest one in the kingdom or something. I want
to see how long it takes to unicycle across (not counting the
time it takes me to learn how to unicycle)."

-- mackers, 42: The List

Week of Monday 3 July 2000

"I can't imagine any of you writing down the wrong intersection.
It's ok for me to do it since I haven't got a clue what I'm doing anyway."

-- Dr Mícheal Mac an Airchinnigh

Week of Monday 26 June 2000

"You see, I used to do that, but then I gradumacated."

-- Dave Lieberman (Zaphod, sfbay-ufies) on edumacation

Week of Monday 19 June 2000

"We use the compiler to get rid of syntax errors."

-- Carol O'Sullivan, 2BA3 (Systems Programming)

Week of Monday 12 June 2000

"Black headed gull and Herring gull are sub-classes of Gulls, but the
relationship between them is strictly vertical."

-- Fred Cummins, CS1.1 Lecturer, UCD, explaining class hierarcy with
relation to Object-Orientated Programming (20th January, 2000)

Week of Monday 5 June 2000

"Speaking of butter, PG&E owe me 3 packets of waffles, the bastards."

-- Stephen Jacob (me), defying explanation

Week of Monday 29 May 2000

"Am I just making this up as I go along?"

-- Hugh Gibbons, explaining QuickSort

Week of Monday 22 May 2000

"Nothing happens when you click on my button."

-- Carol O'Sullivan, TCD CS lecturer

Week of Monday 15 May 2000

"Which bit do I pull off?"

-- John McKenna, Fisherman's Wharf, San Francisco

Week of Monday 8 May 2000

"I'm not stubborn!"

-- Peter Lonergan, Eircom Multimedia

Week of Monday 1 May 2000

"Now. I really need to bank now." -- John McAree
"For a bank?" -- Maghnus O'Kane
"Yes." -- John
"Is that cockney rhyming slang?" -- Maghnus
"No." -- John

Week of Monday 24 April 2000

"I agree with the sweet and sour chicken."

-- Stephen Jacob, about what to order from the chinese takeaway

Week of Monday 17 April 2000

"Buy a daffodil and support cancer."

-- A woman trying to sell a daffodil on daffodil day,
intending to say "support cancer research"

Week of Monday 10 April 2000

"Everybody is a philosopher, but most of us have proper jobs."

-- Kevin Warwick, NetSoc talk, 5-Apr-2000

Week of Monday 3 April 2000

"I don't know what it is about the word Warwick, but it always reminds me of Marmite."

-- David McNamara (mackers), at a NetSoc talk given by Kevin Warwick, 5-Apr-2000

Week of Monday 27 March 2000

"You'll definitely be getting triple integrals in the exam,
so you should take a passionate, if not violent, interest in this."

-- Trevor West, 2E1: Maths 3, TCD 2nd year Engineering

Week of Monday 20 March 2000

"...create a network socket, destroy a network sausage
... sausage ... er ...socket..."

-- Carol O'Sullivan (TCD CS) listing some of the more unusual
bits of functionality in the Win32 API

Week of Monday 13 March 2000

"Trigonometry is actually quite old."

-- Hugh Gibbons, 2BA2 (1999-2000)

Week of Monday 6 March 2000

"When you create an integer, all you are doing is making an integer-shaped container."

-- Fred Cummins, CS1.1 Lecturer, UCD, explaining the difference
between basic data types and objects (20th January 2000)
... and getting it totally wrong

Week of Monday 28 February 2000

"Let's do it with the lights off then."

-- Carol O'Sullivan having trouble with the lighting levels in
H5 (lecture theatre), Hamilton Building, TCD

Week of Monday 21 February 2000

"Architects tend to get nervous when they start dealing with gravity and people falling down and things."

-- Peter Flynn, Engineer

Week of Monday 14 February 2000

"oh fuck...who do we work for again?" -- Peter Lonergan
"to quote Richard Nixon" -- David O'Callaghan

Week of Monday 7 February 2000

"To the faxmobile, ISDN boy! There's crime to be fought and phone lines to be installed!"

-- Stephen Jacob (me), upon seeing an Eircom van
scream around the corner of Andrews Lane

Week of Monday 31 January 2000

"i have worms"

-- David O'Callaghan (who continued to clarify that he
was talking about the computer game)

Week of Monday 24 January 2000

"thunk - the noise data makes as it hits the accumulator"

-- Sandrine Turner (azhreia), DALnet #afd

Week of Monday 17 January 2000

"This is the this pointer, but I won't go into it now I'll just give you some pointers."

-- Carol O'Sullivan, trying not to obscure the issue at hand

Week of Monday 10 January 2000

"infrared my ass... try radio :)"

-- Brian E. Smith (Morpher), on DALnet, talking about how
mp3s get from his computer to his HiFi

Week of Monday 3 January 2000

"her name is aedin...i'm just seeing her at the moment..." -- Peter Lonergan
"for how long?" -- Alice Conrad
"about 2 weeks" -- Peter
"is that a time limit?" -- David O'Callaghan
"lol ... i've been seeing her 2 weeks" -- Peter
"until she gets destroyed by the Y2k virus ... or pat kenny" -- David
"evil man" -- Alice
"android" -- David

Week of Monday 27 December 1999

"Dial-up networking could not connect. You need to negotiate a new control panel."

-- a luser, attempting to report an error message to tech support

Week of Monday 20 December 1999

"As engineers, you'll spend a lot of time dealing with crazy people."

-- Peter Flynn, Engineer, guest speaker for a TCD 2nd year Engineering class

Week of Monday 13 December 1999

"Richard, you get the perfect balance between rude and obnoxious."

-- Peter Lonergan, Indigo/Eircom.net Helpdesk, to Richard Bannister, another tech

Week of Monday 6 December 1999

"Windows has detected the following porn....er, ports..."

-- An AOL (L)user talking to tech support

Week of Monday 29 November 1999

"There are no errors in Geophysics."

-- Brian O'Reilly, DIAS Geophysics

Week of Monday 22 November 1999

"502 Holy DNS batman, you aren't on my list! (Diablo)"

-- newspeer.te.net:119

Week of Monday 15 November 1999

"I just like the sausage picture."

-- David O'Callaghan, about the eXistenZ movie poster

Week of Monday 8 November 1999

"Hello, I'm a mouse. I'd like handler number four please."

-- Dr. Steven Collins, 1BA3: Intro. to Computing (1999), regarding interrupts

Week of Monday 1 November 1999

"Sorry I thought you were a guy ... nothing wrong with it just startled is all."

-- Eric Tannehill to Alice Conrad

Week of Monday 25 October 1999

"I know it's hard to imagine electrons interacting, but really they're just like the elephants."

-- Dr. Peter Cullen, 2BA5, 1999

Week of Monday 18 October 1999

"What's the name of that woman? The one I've never heard of."

-- Dr. Timothy Murphy, Maths 061, 14th October 1999

"Oh! Britney Spears."

-- Dermot Frost

Week of Monday 11 October 1999

"I propose a spot prize ... would like to offer a small spot prize ... 8 lyons minstrels.
That's quite generous. 5 is a car... ok 40 lyons minstrels..."

-- Colm O'Dúnlaing, 1BA1: Maths, 1999

Week of Monday 4 October 1999

"erk. exploreer just crashed. and my widgets have gone funny"

-- David O'Callaghan, 30/3/1999


Week of Monday 13 September 1999

"I also like beautiful men."

-- John McAree, watching Blade and not being careful about clarifying
the fact that he was pretending to be Stephen Dorf

Week of Monday 6 September 1999

"If all the world had Jelly Babies, perhaps all humanity could live in peace and tranquility,
treating all as brothers, and leading in a new enlightened era of progress."

-- Stephen Jacob

"Or we could bite off each others heads without ramifications."

-- David O'Callaghan, 21/4/99, AOL Instant Messenger

Improving, but still not there yet...

Week of Monday 16 August 1999

"Die, evil submarines!"

-- Alan Jacob, messing with a Palm IIIx at the Windows World '99 exhibition

Week of Monday 9 August 1999

"Argh! I hate Office 2000! Try to type your name and feckin' animals pop up
all over the place asking you if you want to make a web page!"

-- Peter Lonergan

*ahem* ...update...?

Week of Monday 19 April 1999

"The road to hell is paved with handouts."

-- Dr. Colm O'Dúnlaing (1BA1: Maths), 1999

Quote of the year perhaps?

Week of Monday ? June 1998

"The whole idea about AI is that you don't know what you're doing."

-- Mike Brady (3BA2: Artificial Intelligence)
... and it took a great deal of effort to stop myself
quoting that back to him on the exam paper! :)

Did you say quote of the week...?

Week of Monday 10 May 1997

"Is that your nose, Michael, or a sound file?"

-- Eoin Stronge, Indigo Helpdesk

Absolutely unforgivable gap!

Week of Monday 26 April 1997

"Aristotle invented Prolog and Smalltalk."

-- Mícheal Mac an Airchinnigh, ur... sure he did...

Week of Monday 19 April 1997

"I'm doing other things, and w95 wanted a 30meg swap file,
and my link sucks pumpkins through chickens..."

-- batty on DALnet, explaining why he'd had to close Netscape

Week of Monday 12 April 1997

"I know the chances are most of you aren't fluent in greek."

-- Dr Mícheal Mac an Airchinnigh, an understatement on a par with
"It's not entirely trivial..." from Dr. Colm O'Dúnlaing on the proof of Taylor's Theorem

Week of Monday 5 April 1997

"I won't see you again until... oh, gosh, 1999! By then, most of you will be dead!"

-- Dr. Mícheal Mac an Airchinnigh, 2BA6: Computers & Society,
to his 2nd year Computer Science class

Week of Monday 28 March 1997

"I'd argue that binary search trees are actually easier than linked lists because there's less difficulty."

-- Dr. Hugh Gibbons' impeccable logic

Week of Monday 21 March 1997

"British experts have calculated, you see, that you are as likely to win the British
lottery by not buying a ticket as by buying a ticket."

-- Dr. Hugh Gibbons, 2BA2: Programming Techniques, on statistics

Week of Monday 14 March 1997

"If you leave the name of the person on the program, that's copying. If you go to the
trouble of removing it, you see, we might call that cooperation."

-- Dr. Hugh Gibbons, 2BA2: Programming Techniques

Week of Monday 7 March 1997

"There's no such thing as democracy. Don't fool yourself."

-- Dr. Mícheal Mac an Airchinnigh, 2BA6: Computers & Society

Week of Monday 31 March 1997

"This one with a left subtree... and this one with a right subtree... they're actually
completely different, even though they're identical."

-- Dr. Hugh Gibbons, 2BA2: Programming Techniques, on the obvious subtleties of Binary Search Trees

Week of Monday 24 March 1997

"A million to one... That's the odds the bookies would offer you on Elvis landing
in a spaceship in the middle of the F.A. Cup final."

-- Dr. Hugh Gibbons, 2BA2: Programming Techniques

Week of Monday 17 March 1997

"Don't be offended by me. I mean, I'm just normal."

-- Dr. Mícheal Mac an Airchinnigh, 2BA6: Computers & Society

Week of Monday 10 March 1997

"No, I never studied in Trinity, thank God! If I had, I could have had me as
a lecturer, and that would have been disastrous!"

-- Dr. Anthony Quinn, 2BA5: Digital Electronics

Week of Monday 3 March 1997

"We're doomed. I really mean this. We're doomed! Of course,
I don't include myself in that. I mean you."

-- Dr. Mícheal Mac an Airchinnigh, 2BA6: Computers & Society,
to the class on our future as Computer Scientists

Week of Monday 24 February 1997

"Unlike other armies, this guy seems to have brought with him all sorts
of scientists, mathematicians, and other perverts."

-- Dr. Mícheal Mac an Airchinnigh, 2BA6: Computers & Society, on Napoleon's "holiday" in Egypt

Week of Monday 17 February 1997

"...then you were classified as a murderer, or a thief, or a lecturer.
There are all kinds of criminal classes."

-- Dr. Mícheal Mac an Airchinnigh, 2BA6: Computers & Society, on ancient greek classification of people

Week of Monday 10 February 1997

"I do not propose to tell anyone the truth about anything; historical or otherwise."

-- Dr. Mícheal Mac an Airchinnigh, 2BA6: Computers & Society

Week of Monday 3 February 1997

"If you install the Build on top of any previous One you first have
to erase the universe with the following command: ..."

-- SiG Computer Visual Eiffel Readme file

Week of Monday 27 January 1997

"You could stick your grandmother in there and it wouldn't make any difference."

-- Dr. Anthony Quinn, Department of Electronic and Electrical Engineering, about the ideal
resistor and inductor branch of the (R + L) // C equivelant of a real resistor at high frequencies
(seeing as the capacitor gives very low impedance at HF; obviously =)

Week of Monday 20 January 1997

"For example, you might have a class of people, and below that you might have a class of students."

-- Dr. Kenneth Dawson-Howe (2BA3: Systems Programming)

Slight lapse!

Week of Monday 9 December 1996

"The Portuguese have had a very strong history of rotations on spheres"

-- Dr. Nigel Buttimore (2BA1: Mathematics), referring to Rodrigues' discovery of
the position of Euler's Point in 1840, and the Portuguese sea-going history

Week of Monday 2 December 1996

"If you're coming off coke, you might find white wine a bit dry"

-- Brian Jacob to Alan Jacob, using slightly unfortunate wording,
making an observation on historesis of the palette

Week of Monday 25 November 1996

"You might like to look at Penguin's book on chaos... uh, that is the publishers, not the animal"

-- Dr. Nigel Buttimore (2BA1: Mathematics)

Week of Monday 18 November 1996

"Actually, there's lots of interesting things that you can do with a GAL"

-- Dr. Andrew Butterfield (2BA4: Computer Architecture I) on the
myriad uses of a type of programmable logic device

Week of Monday 11 November 1996

"You can ignore the bit at the top that tells you to hand the solutions in to the
Microelectronics Department by the 8th of January, 1995 because it's impossible.
Also, the Department of Microelectronics no longer exists."

-- Dr. Peter Cullen, 2BA5, Friday 8th November, 1996, on a
sheet of questions he had just handed out

Week of Monday 4 November 1996

"So, if you add two things, it's even?"

-- Erich Barnstedt, losing track of the basic
odd + odd = even, even + even = even,
and odd + even = odd, in a maths lecture

Week of Monday 28 October 1996

"If it's Biology, it bites; If it's Chemistry, it blows up, and if it's Physics, it doesn't work"

-- Mr. Alan Monnelly, teacher at
Newpark School, Blackrock, Co. Dublin, on
how to tell the sciences apart

Week of Monday 21 October 1996

"Basically, this is what electrons and protons would do if they were left alone"

-- Erich Barnstedt, referring to diffusion currents in semiconductors (2BA5)

Week of Monday 14 October 1996

"Gravity is not important to the operation of semiconductor devices except in a trivial way
in that, if we didn't have it, our computers might float out into space"

-- Dr. Peter Cullen, 2BA5

Week of Monday 7 October 1996

"I'm part of the Artificial Intelligence Project..."

-- Dr. Kenneth Dawson-Howe, 2BA3

Week of Monday 30 September 1996

"I hope your attendance is as good today as it is for the rest of the year"

-- Dr. Hugh Gibbons, 2BA2

Week of Monday 23 September 1996

"This meat is cooked to perfection! It comes right off the gristle!"

-- Stephen Jacob (me), a compliment unappreciated by my mother

Week of Monday 16 September 1996

"I've seen smaller dish washers"

-- Jonathan Dukes, about a colour printer in TCD.ie

Week of Monday 9 September 1996

"What's the geological history of curry?"

-- Jonathan Dukes... and I think he meant Kerry!

Week of Monday 2 September 1996

"There's more to talking than listening"

-- Jonathan Dukes, meaning to say that there's
more to a conversation than talking

Week of Monday 26 August 1996

"We should have a sort of initiation for new first year computer scientists
where we throw them into a skip full of old computer parts"

-- Jonathan Dukes, about to be 2nd year Computer Scientist

Week of Monday 19 August 1996

"What's a video card?"

-- Erich Barnstedt, Computer Scientist

Week of Monday 12 August 1996

"We regret to inform you that the 9 o'clock and 9:45 showings of Independance Day are now
fully booked out. We apologise for any convenience

-- announcement in Virgin Cinemas, Dublin, 12th August 1996

Week of Monday 5 August 1996

"Would the representative from Mars please come to the manager's desk"

-- announcement in a Dublin supermarket, 7th August 1996
[Ed.: and I thought they only found microbes...]

Week of Monday 29 July 1996

"I'm so relaxed, I'm vertical!"

-- Barry Hughes

Week of Monday 22 July 1996

"Students must remain quiet at all times while working in the computer labs as it is disruptive to others."

-- Notice on board in Hamilton PC Lab (courtesy of ISS)

Week of Monday 15 July 1996

"What's on Friday?"

-- Alan Jacob

"Um... it's my birthday..."

-- Stephen Jacob

"But you had one of those last year!"

-- Alan Jacob

Week of Monday 8 July 1996

"You can identify a hedgehog at 65 miles per hour?"

-- Stephen Jacob to Erich Barnstedt

"Fast hedgehog"

-- Alan Jacob

Week of Monday 1 July 1996

"worf, your ping response defies causality. But I don't mind ;)"

-- Paul Missman (bits^) on DALnet remarking on a negative
time ping response from myself

Slight lapse!

Week of Monday 3 June 1996

"Supervisor mood" ...
"The difference between trap and jsr is that trap calls an exception handler instead of a submarine"

-- Stephen Jacob, me, JF CS, getting tongue-tied
while talking about the S-bit of the 68000
CPU and trap handling, the
morning of the assembly exam

Week of Monday 27 May 1996

"When someone asks me for a random number, I say 2 -- always"

-- Erich M. Barnstedt, JF CS

Week of Monday 20 May 1996

"Windows for Roadworks 3.11"

-- Stephen Jacob, me (they made me do it!), JF CS

Week of Monday 13 May 1996


-- Jonathan Dukes, JF CS

Week of Monday 6 May 1996

This week, it's a tie...

"How this happens ... you don't have to worry about, unless you're God or something"

-- Vinny Cahill (1BA2: Introduction to Programming) on the encapsulated
implementation details of an object-based cat

"Sunlight is the enemy of study ... Find yourself a gloomy corner ... preferably a basement with no windows"

-- Dr. Colm O'Dúnlaing (1BA1: Maths)

Week of Monday 30 April 1996

"Fuck! ... Who extended my pencil?!?"

-- Jonathan Dukes, JF CS

© Copyright Stephen Jacob, 1996-2008.