Best Analogies Ever Written

Best Analogies Ever Written
Originally from a
Washintgon Post Contest

Winners of the "worst analogies ever written in a high school essay" 
contest.  (Actually most of them are similes --but... whatever)

He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like 
a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without 
one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the 
country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at 
a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it. 
(Joseph Romm, Washington)
She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that 
used to dangle from screen doors and would fly up whenever you 
banged the door open again. (Rich Murphy, Fairfax Station)
The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a 
bowling ball wouldn't. (Russell Beland, Springfield)
McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag 
filled with vegetable soup. (Paul Sabourin, Silver Spring)
From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an 
eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another 
city and "Jeopardy" comes on at 7 p.m. instead of 7:30. (Roy 
Ashley, Washington)
Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze. 
(Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)
Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the 
center. (Russell Beland, Springfield)
Bob was as perplexed as a hacker who means to access\aaakk/ch@ung but gets T:\flw.quidaaakk/ch@ung 
by mistake (Ken Krattenmaker, Landover Hills)
Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.  (Unknown)
He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree. (Jack Bross, Chevy 
The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when 
you fry them in hot grease. (Gary F. Hevel, Silver Spring)
Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a 
movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like 
"Second Tall Man." (Russell Beland, Springfield)
Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced 
across the grassy field toward each other like two freight 
trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 
mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph. 
(Jennifer Hart, Arlington)
The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after the 
Dr. on a Dr Pepper can. (Wayne Goode, Madison, Ala.)
They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences 
that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth (Paul Kocak, Syracuse, N.Y.)
John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who 
had also never met. (Russell Beland, Springfield)
The thunder was ominous-sounding, much like the sound of a thin 
sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a 
play. (Barbara Fetherolf, Alexandria)
His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances 
like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free (Chuck Smith, 
The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red Crayola crayon.

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