Elevator Humour

  1) When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the
     shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.

  2) Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go
     back for more.

  3) Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong

  4) Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they know
     what floor you're on.

  5) Hold the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a
     while, let the doors close and say, "Hi Greg. How's your day been?"

  6) Bring a cat basket and take a nap in the corner.

  7) Bounce a superball around the elevator.

  8) Light a cigarette and tell people, "Smokey Bear doesn't know what the
     hell he's talking about!"

  9) Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then
     scream, "That's mine!"

 10) Stand in the corner reading a telephone book, laughing uproariously.

 11) Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.

 12) Move your desk in to the elevator and whenever someone gets on, ask
     if they have an appointment.

 13) When the doors close, use duct tape and work furiously to tape the
     doors together. Ask for help.

 14) Lay down a Twister mat and ask people if they'd like to play.

 15) Bring a hammer and nails and hang pictures of yourself on the walls.
     Ask people, "Isn't that a good picture of me?"

 16) Leave your 12-foot long python alone in the elevator.

 17) Turn off the lights in the elevator to "conserve energy."

 18) Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on ask them if they
     hear something ticking.

 19) Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures
     and exits with the passengers.

 20) Clean your gun.

 21) Ask, "Did you feel that?"

 22) Dressed in overalls, get in a full elevator and when the door
     closes, push the stop button, post an "out of order" sign inside and
     go to  work on  the access panel, saying "This may take a minute."

 23) Push the call button, and when the voice answers ask, "God?"

 24) Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.

 25) When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay. Don't
     panic, they open up again."

 26) Push your floor button with your tongue.

 27) Stand alone, and when the doors open tell people trying to get on
     that the car is full and that they should wait for the next one.

 28) Swat at flies that don't exist.

 29) Shoot rubber bands at everyone.

 30) When the doors open, pretend that you bounce off a force field when
     you try to leave.

 31) Ask people not to look, and then change your clothes.

 32) When people get on, ask for their tickets and check that they meet
     the "height" requirements.

 33) Push the top floor button and announce that you tried to kill
     yourself yesterday but the other building wasn't high enough.

 34) Talk to people about the "golden age of elevators in the 50's."
     Explain why modern elevators can't compete with the  "gas-powered

 35) Borrow small items from other people in the elevator, then shout
     "Wheee!" as you drop them through the crack in the floor when the
     elevator doors open.

 36) Jump rope.

 37) Bring a shovel and try to dig a hole.

 38) When the doors close, menacingly announce that "It's going to be a
     bumpy ride."

 39) Tell people that you can see their aura.

 40) Call out, "group hug!", then enforce it.

 41) Walk on with a cooler that is "HUMAN HEAD" on the side.

 42) Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering "Shut
     up, all of you, just shut up!"

 43) Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask,
     "Got enough air in there?"

 44) Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without
     getting off.

 45) When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open,
     then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.

 46) Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask
     them to call you Admiral.

 47) Meow occasionally.

 48) Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.

 49) Stare at another passenger for awhile, then announce in horror,
     "You're one of THEM" and back away slowly.

 50) Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers.

 51) Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope.

 52) Announce in a demonic voice, "I must find a more suitable hostbody."

 53) Say "Ding" at each floor.

 54) Say "I wonder what all these do?" and push all the red buttons.

 55) Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

 56) Stare, grinning at another passenger for awhile, and then announce,
     "I have new socks on."

 57) When the elevator is silent, look around and ask, "Is that your beeper?"

 58) Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other
     passengers, "This is my personal space."

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