The Facts of Life
- The 2 most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity
- If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you
- Money can't buy happiness...But it sure makes misery easier to live
- Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bullshit before.
- Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check 3
friends. If they're OK, you're it.
- Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check.
- A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn.
- It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
- Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn.
- If you are given an open-book exam, you will forget your book.
- The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody
appreciates how difficult it was.
- It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a
warning to others.
- Paul's Law: You can't fall off the floor.
- The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the
average man can see better than he can think.
- Paranoids are people, too; they have their own problems. It's easy to
criticize, but if everybody hated you, you'd be paranoid, too.
- A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell and make you feel
happy to be on your way.
- Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on
- Vital papers will demonstrate their vitality by moving from where you
left them to where you can't find them.
- Law of Probability Dispersal: Whatever it is that hits the fan will
not be evenly distributed.